Lately life has been rough. Rough on roommates, rough in schoolwork, rough from praying that 10 very busy people can somehow pull together a three act play well enough to get a few chuckles from their friends and family. And usually [and by usually I mean 100% always] when people ask me how I'm doing and I reply "not that great but it's alright", after the pity sighs and the comforting shoulder pats my response is "Yeah....but God's using it. This'll be good one day."
One day as in not now and if not now then......when?
One thing I'm learning to cling to this year is the immutability of God....a fancy, theological term which basically means God doesn't change ever. And if God is all good, all knowing, perfection today, tomorrow and forever, then doesn't that mean that what I'm going through is good....now?
Good when it hurts. Good in the midst of tears. Good when I'm frustrated because I don't even know if I have words to write how I'm feeling...which is new for me. Good when I'm empty of all grace and all love. Good when there's no way of knowing how you're growing, only that you are.
I think so often I look at the future and see this vague, fuzzy outline of the woman I might be after all the growth and hardship and patience and I point down the road and say "I wanna be there" and I forget that the way to get there is to be thankful for the hardship that's happening now.
Because as much as we hate it and as much as it hurts, the honest truth is that if hard things never happen, we never ask the hard questions....and if the hard questions don't get asked, then you might grow on the surface but the roots of what you're learning won't get down deep into the heart of who you are. And QUITE honestly, when things are going well, sometimes we forget that it's the Lord that holds everything together and that gets us up in the mornings, and we start to think that maybe, just maybe, we can do this whole life thing on our own.
I had this wonderful picture in my mind of who I wanted to be going into Sophomore year....what I wanted to do with my life, the kind of person I wanted to be, and the kind of person I wanted to marry. To say that God has ripped through that and significantly re-oriented me would be an understatement. And it's hard....really hard. I'm the kind of person who thrives on having a foundation I know won't be shaken....and I also am guilty incredibly often of building that foundation on things of this world that crumble and fall apart all too quickly. And I've complained and whined and stomped my feet before the Lord, but I'm beginning to realize this is good and I'm thankful for it.....and that in this God is being glorified in ways that take me out of the picture completely.
So here's to the "God will use this one day" becoming "God is using this now and I'm blown away by His faithfulness." Maybe this was just rambling, but it's something that's been on my heart a lot lately. And now, to close, enjoy this picture of Charleston. Because it's one of my favorite cities, and because it's absolutely beautiful :)