Saturday, March 30, 2013

The Crockpot Story.

The night of the crockpot story happened the Wednesday night before we went on spring break....but somehow everyone knows about it, and since I've been asked to tell it about a bagajillion times, I figured I'd just go ahead and write it on here ;) Plus it was kind of, actually hilarious. SO.

Jess (my roommate) and I have adopted 2 other girls into our "roommate"ness this semester, which means we are now an unofficial roommate/best friend group of four. That's me (Bethany), Jess, Kayla Collins, and Kayla Swails Quails. However school life gets busy and class schedules get crazy, and we really don't get to spend as much time just hanging out as we want to. So the Wednesday before Spring Break we decided to cook dinner in the Kayla's room and just spend some time fellowshipping between the four of us before we all split up for a week & 1/2. We're also HUGE fans of the Olive Garden Chicken Gnocchi soup, so we found a recipe online and went with that. Simple enough! Crockpot, chicken, various vegetables, soup, and roommates. Easy.

WRONG. First of all, I was the one placed in charge of actually STARTING said crockpot recipe. Jess was studying and the Kayla's went straight from science class to soccer practice and didn't get out of practice till some ridiculously late hour which would be too late anyways. So, we went shopping, bought the ingredients, and then later that night walked into the Kayla's room with everything to actually start making it.

Problem #1: I couldn't find the crockpot.
Problem #2: After I DO find it (it was inconveniently hiding on top of the wardrobe) I can't get it out. Because of these annoying, ridiculous, space-expanding, MASSIVE packing peanut material, crock pot holders. I've got the box top open and am attempting to pull the crockpot out with ALL of my strength and no matter how hard I pull these white siding things expand JUST enough so that NOTHING. MOVES. So finally, because I enjoy talking to inanimate objects and find myself intimidating, I take a step back from the crockpot box, point my finger, and declare as loudly and menacingly as I possibly can, "crockpot, you WILL come out of the box!"

At this point I reach down, yank the sides of the box out, and the crockpot comes sliding out as easily as the same time as the actually COOKING part of the crockpot comes tumbling out, falls out of it's casing, and shatters. All over the Kayla's floor. The first INTELLIGENT thought after my brain went "....OH NO" for the first five minutes was "look for superglue." Then I realized that I was thinking about gluing a CROCKPOT back together, and the very first time it was used all the glue would melt and we'd be in exactly the same spot as we were now. At this point the roommate Jess has slowly made her way down the hall, and is now collapsed in laughter right outside of Kayla's door.

Somehow Jess and I convinced ourselves we could make the 40 minute run to Walmart before the Kayla's got out of their 20 minutes left soccer practice, and return with a fully intact, non-suspicious looking crockpot that Kayla would NEVER REALIZE actually wasn't her real one. So without fail we jump in my car and speed off to Walmart.

The crockpot is found and bought impossibly easily, which should have been our first clue the night was NOT over, and we made it in and out of Walmart within 10 minutes, down the freeway in 15, and onto Monticello Road in supserspeed time. Then. THEN. We get stuck behind the slowest, most turtle-like moving car in ALL of South Carolina, between lights 1 and 2 on Monticello. At this point it's late and I'm exhausted nad hypser and cannot BELIEVE all this is happening, so I start yelling random, spastic things at the car in front of me.

It doesn't speed up. Like at all. So my second thought is not "Oh, they obviously can't hear you" it's "Oh, pick a different language." So we start yelling in Spanish. However neither one of us SPEAKS spanish, so "spanish" for us meant we were actually yelling in english and just taking the an 'o' onto the ends of all our words. For example.


It just disentigrated from there. Mr. Grandpa car in front of us had developed the skill of pulling through each light EXACTLY as it went from yellow to red, which meant we got stuck. In a movie/non-wholesome environment, this is when all kinds of creative words would have started running out of both of our mouths, but since neither me OR Jess actually swears we decided the only logical conclusion was to start yelling the word "EXPLETIVE!" at the top of our lungs. Except we were speaking spanish remember? So EXPLETIVE-O it was!

We finally, somehow, magically make it to the Boulevard leading onto school, don't run into anyone or anyTHING on our way around the dorms, and pull up into the parking space. I obviously canNOT be the one to carry the crockpot inside because my track record of keeping crockpots in one piece is now AWFUL, so Jess gathers up everything and we walk into Kayla's room. We did NOT beat Kayla back to her room, and she was waiting for us tears streaming down our face because she's laughing so hard.

Dinner was a disaster, the soup DIDN'T turn out, and re-heating it in the morning did nothing at all to help :D Except for Quails. Whose reaction was to shovel as much soup as POSSIBLE from the crockpot to a bowl and then her mouth because apparently she thought it was delicious :D We ended up making a midnight sonic run because at this point we're all starving, made multiple orders at the exact same register, got introduced to our waitress/roller skater Chastity multiple times, and jammed to Taylor Swift on the way home.

Crockpot fail level 10 achievement: unlocked.

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