Monday, November 14, 2011


I don't know what God is doing. And to a certain extent I guess no one really does. But I REALLY. DON'T. I feel lost and like I've lost my direction. Like I'm no longer on the path that I originally was. I keep looking for someone to tell what to do and how this ends but no one else knows either. I'm sick of waiting for the world to change. Cleverly placed John Mayer reference. I don't want to be patient anymore. I don't want to wait on the side. And if I'm being completely honest, I'm tired of people telling me to trust God when I'm not even sure I know what that means anymore.
"When I said 'God, I trust you with my future' I meant 'God I trust you to give me the future I have planned for myself.'" Yup, that's basically me. And I know that God has a future picked out for me that is INSANELY better than anything I could ever pick out for myself. But that doesn't make much sense when I look at the things I've picked out for myself and they don't seem BAD. In fact, they seem really great!
In all of this, I still have 10,000 reasons to bless the Lord. And yes, that song did just in fact come on. I guess this is what being thankful and trusting really is. It's when it gets hard. I don't know what to expect tomorrow. Maybe that's a good thing. I don't know if I'll like what I do find. Why did I ruin this? Why?
Lord I don't know what your doing. And I don't know how to just stand back and let you do it. even though it stinks, knocking the legs out from underneath me so I CAN'T push back anymore would be just awesome:)

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