Tuesday, December 13, 2011
She is quiet. A brown haired, green eyed beauty standing off on her own in the corner of the room, anxious to branch out but not quite brave enough to be the life of the party just yet. In her eagerness to be loved she steps out and stumbles, stubbing her toe. Now skittish, she shuffles back into her corner.
A few hours later she is ready again. She carefully steps out, bravely stepping over the errant piece of carpet that caused her such discomfort earlier. While focusing on the carpet, she backs into a dusty chair, bumping her knee against the leg. With a quiet gasp of pain, she lurches back to the corner, completely disregarding other obstacles in her way in her effort to get back to what's comfortable. Now as she stands, watching the brightly lit room across the way she nurses a throbbing toe, an aching knee, and several small scratches. Scars of her past attempts to find her way to the revelry. And failed.
She looks up as a young man enters the room. A few inches taller than she, he has olive tinted skin and midnight black hair. His eyes, hazel with tints of gray, hold promises of adventure, mystery and wonder. There is an colder, crueler current running under the shallow promises, but at the moment she doesn't see them. She watches with bated breath as he slowly stretches out his hand, arm reaching across chairs, broken lamps, torn rugs. All obstacles keeping her from the warmth of the people across the hall. Overflowing with happiness, she reaches, grasps his fingers, and he pulls.
Grabbing her he wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her close. With the other arm he traces her face. Lowering his head, he whispers quietly into her ears. Breath caught deep within her throat, she waits eagerly for the words of love, comfort, and acceptance that she has waited oh so long to hear.
"You are not good enough. You will never be good enough. How can you expect anyone to love you if you can't even walk yourself across the room in one piece? You will never have it together. It is to late to even try." The grey in his eyes begins to gleam as he watches her face fall, tears gathering in the depths of her sea green eyes. Releasing her quickly, he is gone before she even has time to blink.
Looking frantically back and forth she searches for her corner, her safe haven. But she has ventured too far into the center of the room to turn around and find it now. Looking down at the floor she is surrounded by darkness the likes of which she has never seen. Alone, exposed, and completely defenseless she falls to the floor, sobbing as she hugs her knees to her chest. A few feet away she sees a fallen, broken table, and she drags herself too it. Curling beneath it, she puts her head between her knees and cries.
What seems like hours later, a small footstep approaches. Looking up, she stares into the deep pacific blue eyes of a blonde haired, bare footed child. She wipes her nose, smearing snot and dust across her entire right cheek. Ashamed she hiccups and tries to slide away, but stops as a look of delight sweeps across the little boys face. Giggling, he reaches out a bare hand and wipes a streak of mud off her cheek. Grabbing her ankle, he proceeds to drag her out from under the table. He guides her to the door, and she marvels as obstacles fall away out of his path.
As they walk out into the party she again tries to detract into her shell. She feels the weight of people's eyes, judging her appearance. Her dress, once white, is muddy now dirtied by her tears and the dust from her table. Across the room, Devon smirks, his now completely grey eyes glinting at her evilly. Looking down, she sees an innocent scowl mar the face of the little boy before he walks her out the door and shuts it firmly behind her, shutting in all her problems, anxieties, fears, and disappointments.
Looking back, she sees the door slowly creek open, and tan fingers curl menacingly around the edge. Amongst the now somewhat dimmer party lights, she sees too quick, steely flashes of gray. Fearfully catching her breath, she trembles. Turning her head back round, she drowns once again in the deep blue eyes of the blonde haired manifestation of grace that has so buried her fears and insecurities.She faces the new day, her hand held tightly in his own, the love of a child shining through non-judgemental eyes