If you can't read it, that says failure. It's tiny because I don't like it....I mean, who does really? No one likes thinking about the times in life that they didn't succeed, or the personality traits they have that might air on the less side of attractive. But it is what it is...we all have them :) And I've come to learn that sometimes it's in our biggest failures [or weaknesses] that God can receive the most glory. So, in the spirit of being vulnerable and honest, here are a few of my failures:
- I'm messy. Ridiculously so. I can be clean if needed, or if I'm living with someone that declares cleanliness absolutely necessary, but comfortable for me means clothes thrown around and books laying open where I stopped reading.
- I'm impatient. SO VERY MUCH. I hate waiting. And I hate not knowing. I have dedicated handfuls of blog posts to this. I would say just the big things, but honestly it's waiting for anything. Movies, books, boyfriends, breaks, end of work days, phone calls, summer, etc, etc, etc the list never ends.
- I forget, much to often, that the Lord is responsible for fixing people. Not me. I've learned that there IS such a thing as trying to hard to fix too much...especially when you don't have the right words, and the Lord is just really, REALLY trying to get through to someone. Sometimes, loving them the way you think they should be loved can get in the way.
- I'm 5. A failure you say? I don't think so....but it can, occasionally, get on people's nerves ;)
- I'm stubborn. I know. You're shocked. And it's funny, because my personality actually isn't a stubborn one. But if I get it in my head that I believe something, and what I believe is right, it takes heaven and earth to sway me. Literally. We're talking God-administered heart and mind change.
- I over think things. Edit: that should read everything. I'm fearful, and insecure, and my mind never stops. I get myself worried about problems that don't even exist faster than you can hit me and say 'Bethany CALM DOWN.' My sisters can attest to this ;)
There are so many more things that should be on this list, but I'd rather not scare you off too quickly ;) There are things that I can't decide whether or not they should be on this list, because I don't know if they qualify as failures or positives. I've been told that I trust people too easily, but I think I'd rather trust easily and learn caution than hide and never trust at all. I've been told I'm an open book, and that I'm easy to read and get to know, and I STILL can't decide whether that's a good thing or bad thing. But I guess I'll figure that one out :)
I will say this. My failures, as I come face to face with them over and over again, continue to highlight the power of my sovereign and powerful God, and the power of His Gospel. If God can take the hundreds and hundreds of mistakes that I've made (and haven't even mentioned) and the flaws in my heart, and still change me slowly into something that somehow points to His glory....than He is great indeed. And it continues to blow my mind daily :D
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