Sunday, June 23, 2013

day 23: stuck in a ditch.

Alright. It's late(ish) and I have a lot more energy than would be expected at 10:30 at night (but then again if you know me it's not all THAT unexpected) and the word today won't be TOO long of a blog post, so tonight will come with some life updates as well!

This week (and this coming week) have been significantly best friend/hang out partnerless. Between the ones I've lost to camp, the former roommate trekking across Zambia, and the Rachel friend running off to South Padre for Beach Retreat, the Stewart girls have had to get reaaaaaaally creative about what we're doing with all our free time. Momma is still recovering from surgery, which sadly means no driving for her. So all errands fall to me and Poptart. Friday found us trekking into Houston to pick up the Rachel friend from camp (complete with Chai Tea Frappachinos), dropping her off, then simultaneously getting lost trying to get to Barnes & Nobles where I bought this beautiful little leatherbound journal.

Ish my new best friend. 

I've been the wide eyed watcher of Man of Steel twice, once with the family & once with the Rachel friend & Abi. Both times were wonderful, though the freak-out, squealing, and fake flying out of the theater was definitely a lot more noticeable when I didn't have to worry about embarrassing my family ;) Smirk. I got a long & lovely phone call with beautiful Miriam on Tuesday waiting for Mommy to come home, and got to spend 2 days with Rachel friend tonight before she rushes off to do even more things for God's kingdom :) I wrote a letter every day this week, which are in the process of being sent out now! Many, many country songs were listened to with the windows rolled down, and I sported the 'my hair took on the wind & lost' look multiple times this week. All in all, it has been a WONDERFUL 7 days! 

Alright. Word of the day is : ditch. 

Ditches are for getting stuck in.....specifically with little, 2 door, blue Honda Civics that are REALLY only trying to get out of the driveway so Daddy can move his truck. I speak from experience^ obviously. Not only do I get stuck in ditches, but I'm also EXTREMELY conscious of them when I drive next to them on the road. I can be cruising down the highway, relaxed, jamming to my music, and then turn onto a country road and ALL OF A SUDDEN BOTH HANDS ARE ON THE WHEEL AND BOTH EYES ARE SUPER WIDE AND ON THE ROAD BECAUSE IF I SWERVE TO THE RIGHT TOO FAR MY CAR IS GOING STRAIGHT INTO THIS AWKWARD ALMOST-BUT-NOT-REALLY HOLE IN THE GROUND RIGHT OVER HERE. Caps instigated to demonstrate my extreme paranoia.'s not really THAT bad :D And I love country roads. And just because I should probably make this somewhat meaningful and not leave it at that....

Ditches make me nervous because I get stuck, and I hate getting stuck. It's a pretty accurate analogy for other areas of my life too. Be it spiritually, romantically, relationally, or just purely physically, I hate getting stuck. It's that "Ugh, we've BEEN here before" feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

I think this is probably why, for me, I struggle with keeping my mind in the present & simultaneously get so excited about the future. So often in the present I forget that where I am is where I'm supposed to be, because it's not where I want to be. This also ties back to the whole "waiting is my least favorite thing in the world to do" thing I mention so often. 

So, this is why actually saying the phrase "Lord, I'll wait here in this ditch (emphasis added) until You decide I'm ready to be back on the road" is so hard for me. Because saying Lord, I'll stay in this spot until You move me is hard. Saying I'll stay in this relationship stage until You think my heart is ready for his, and we'll glorify You more together than apart, is harder. But it's stretching, and refining, and good

So for all the temporary 'stay here for a lil' while' ditches this summer, this year, this season and this lifetime, I am both hesitatingly thankful, and a little wary. And we'll see when I get put back on the road again :) 

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